You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
