By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
