Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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