so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
