i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
