turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
