you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
