So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
