I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Congratulations! We have a period
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
