dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
