So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
