Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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