I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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