ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
