I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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