im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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