If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Houston, we have a squirter
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
