he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize