Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
