I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
