He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
