So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
