My friends, they love my intelligence
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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