I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My feet surprised me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
