He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
