I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
