Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
