you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
