Someone shit on the floor
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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