You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
