before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i will never coherently bang her
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
