You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
