So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
