DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
