I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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