I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
