I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
