I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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