well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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