Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
