also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
