I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
