Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have aggressive nipples.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
