I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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