"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
