I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
