you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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