Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
