I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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