I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
