96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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