dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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