Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
