My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
