omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
