Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
