I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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