My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
