Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
