so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
