Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
