I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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