Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
