Moan for me like Helen Keller
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
