I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
