if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
