the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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